This is Little L. She and my oldest son dated for 2+ years and she lived with us for about 2 years. She ended up in my home because she had no where to go. One Friday everything was fine at her home and come Sunday the locks had been changed and she was no longer allowed there. So she stayed in my home. Little L and I had many difference and disagreements but we always worked through them. She and my son split up last fall and she moved on. Yet she and I have remained in contact and I have always wanted the best for her.
I received a text message at 1:42 AM ~ Little L became a Mother, she has a baby boy weighing in at 8lbs and 6oz. I am happy and sad for her at the same time. Her life has taken a different direction that will be harder for her. College will be harder, working will be harder, money will be an issue and all the other things that Motherhood brings especially at such a young age. Can she overcome all of the new obstacles that face a young single mom...yes she can...if she does not give up and looks into the face of her young son and knows that now she must worker harder for him.
Ok this is for all the women who have found themselves in one of those situations where a man may have been of some help.
I was single again after many years, 17 in fact. To be honest in my life there has always been a man to take care of certain things. There was my father and then my husband so there really had never been a time when one of them would not take care of the manly jobs lol. But here I was single and going to do things all on my own, I did not need a man! Humph, I get delusional sometimes.
Since I became single I have always taken my car in to be serviced. Well times were hard and I thought I can do this myself. I am a smart woman (I was sooooo wrong) how hard could it be to put some oil in my car. I told my girlfriend of my intention and she jumped on board and decided that she needed to put some oil in her car as well. So off we go to the nearest Advance Auto. Ok, yes I felt strange in the advance auto in my business suite but that was ok I am a strong professional woman. So we finally find the GREAT WALL OF OIL, lord there were more choices than shampoo! Yes I did cheat on this part; I was so overwhelmed that I call my good friend and neighbor to help me determine which one the vast array I should use. Once that was confirmed it took a moments to find the correct formula and the little funnel thing. But we were so proud that we had success. So out we go with our first manly purchase.
Once we got back to the apartments and feeling so empowered we popped the hood of my car. WOW there is a lot of stuff under there but I am smart and so is my girlfriend we can figure this out. Hell, I was married to a mechanic for 17 years surely I picked up something from him right? Well we locate the dip stick (see I know what is what) and pulled it out. “Yep looks low to me how does it look to you? Yep looks low”. So we retrieve the disposable funnels (they were paper) and proceed to try and place it in the opening. Something is not right….why will it not fit in properly. So we are fiddling with the funnel and the hole trying to get to cover or go in the hole so oil will not spill all over the other stuff under the hood. Ok by now I am getting very aggravated and I hate to admit it but when I get aggravated I start to curse. By now I am sounding like a sailor and blaming all men that they would of course invent a funnel that would not work properly. But being the smart women that we are…guess what….WE MADE IT WORK. We got two bottles in my car and then proceeded to her vehicle. DONE…we did it…we put oil in our cars….who needs a man!
Well of course I was feeling so confident about myself.
A couple of weeks later another girlfriend was having car troubles and her ex-boyfriend was going to lend her an extra truck he had. I took her to pick it up and before we left he wanted to put some oil in it “just to make sure”. So being confident as I was I stood over all the stuff with him and watched. Well as he started the with the procedure my mouth fell open….WOW look at the opening he has to put the oil in….WOW why does my car not have that…must be cause mine is a foreign model…so you know as soon as I got home I had to look at mine.
HAVE YOU FIGURED IT OUT YET?
Yes, I had poured two bottles of oil down the dip stick opening…but not in one car but TWO….
My lesson learned? First the inventors of the funnel for oil were not so stupid after all and second sometimes I just need a MAN’s help.
A while back I was asked if I had finally met my "Knight in Shinning Armour". As think about this question some self analysis comes into play...
Am I looking for that Knight in Shinning Armour ridding upon a white stallion to come in and rescue me?
Naw, I don't think so. I have been looking for someone that would compliment my life, a person that would be uplifting, non judgmental, supportive and encouraging.
Have I found that? Nope, I have a dark hunk of doom and gloom ridding a donkey lol just kidding.
Now, do I love S-man, yes I do. He has been a friend for a long time, several years now and he has been there for me no matter what. If something is broke he tries to fix it, if I am upset he tries to console, if I am being pulled in too many directions he will step up and deal with one of the directions for me. But regardless of what he is doing the majority of what comes out of his mouth has an undertone of negativity and despair and that is what I can't deal with. It drives me nuts!
But yet here I sit because it has become comfortable, easier to stay in the relationship than move on. I don't have to worry about my heart getting broke with him...
I have dated, not as much as others but I have gotten a feel for what is out there. I have dated everything from a Cowboy to a Thug. There has really only been two relationships where my emotions got involved (outside of my marriage) and both left me with a fowl taste in my mouth and a strong heartache.
The first real relationship after my marriage was with The Mack, as I like to call him. We met thru an on-line dating service (ummm yep I tried one of those). We had an instant connection with each other. I had some of the best times with this man, but location was a big issue. He lived in a different state and travel, work schedules, kid schedules were hard to work around. Plus he decided with out telling me that he wanted to see other people lol. I am still friends with this man, we talk about once a week. He has gotten married because "he did not want to be alone". Mack ran off to Vegas this past spring and tied the knot. Oh he told me he was going to Vegas but did not tell me why lol. Regardless I wish him well and hope it works out for him. He will always have a special place in my heart reason being - 1) he is Mack and I love him 2) He is the only man I have met that puts his children first always.
The other relationship that I was emotional attached to was a local gentleman. We met on-line through blogging and the first couple of months it was an e-mail courtship. Honestly, I fell for him during that e-mail courtship. Having my "rose colored glasses" on I really thought I had finally met someone that got me, I had met someone that saw life in a positive light.
Silly naive old woman lol.
We met in person and things were great for the first few weeks and then a pattern began. We would have plans, I would call to confirm because I had not heard from him and he would blow me off for some reason or another. When we did see each other we never did anything just hung out at his house. Remember I had those beautiful rose colored glasses on so I was not really seeing what was going on. Well, he then had a major life issue arise and he dropped off the planet. Yep, major heartache. About a year later we tried to see each other again, but it was the same pattern, no calls to confirm a date and if the "date" did happen it was just hanging out at his place. So glasses off...live and learn. He is a good man it just did not work between us.
Soooo all this time S-man has been my friend, we had dated for a few months when we first met, but I broke it off because of the negativity and insecurities. Yet he remained a good friend. We would hang out with friends and always had a good time. He told me every time "I do not want to hear about who you are seeing, they could never deserve you" so we never talked about who we were seeing and I always made sure that if I was on a date that I would not run into S-man. He is the only man that I allowed to be around my kids (I have a rule about that...the man has to prove he deserves to meet my kids before I ever allow it) and they really liked him and keep asking me "why don't you date Stan, you know he really cares about you" It was during a time that I really was not dating and S-man and I were hanging out a lot. It felt safe and easy with him and what my kids had said keep replaying in my head. So here I am in a relationship that probably means more to the other person than to me. Am I wrong to stay? Does the warm and fuzz's really last in a relationship...I don't think so. Is it wrong to stay even though I don't love him the way he loves me? I question these very things...
This is Izzy the newest member of our family. He is a Craiglist kitty that came in our home a few months ago. Izzy is a sweetheart but I swear he is a little off mentally.Regardless of his odd behavior he is a great comfort to me as are the other animals. Everyone knows...no matter what you have done or who you are the animals still love you. There is no judgment on their part just constant love and happiness.
Off to find a friends gas card lol...hope everyone has a great day!
I recently went strolling down memory lane. I took off one day to an area of a nearby city that I spent a lot of my time when I was younger. The above shot is the house I spent many days...more specifically my back was usually facing the top left window...the afternoon sun was wonderful in that room.
I am referring to the Mader House...no it is not officially called that...but to me it will always be Magda Mader's House. She was my teacher for many years, until I graduated from High School. I would spend 4 days a week during the summer months and when school was in I was at the Mader House at least 2 afternoons a week if not more. I absolutely adored/loved/feared this woman with every fiber in my being. Ms. Mader was a small woman in stature not even reaching 5 feet and spoke in a thick Hungarian accent that was impossible to understand at times. You see Ms. Mader was my art teacher, she was in her late 60's early 70's when I first started to attend her classes. I loved listening to her stories about life in her native land and how her husband courted her. I can remember her stopping in mid sentence to exclaim "You are not painting a barn, You are creating Art. Paint correctly". She was very strict regarding the application of her technique. I can remember many afternoons that I would spend hours doing nothing but drawing one line after another.
I will never forget one of the last visits that I had with her, I was no longer a student. I went to let her know I was getting married, the look of disappointment on her face still haunts me to this day. My mother and Ms. Mader were the only women in my life that I truly loved and both told me not to get married. Looking back what I saw was her knowledge that my dreams and talent would be put on hold and that is exactly what happened. I foolishly thought that I could do both, but at 19 I was not able to understand or better yet think far enough ahead to see what would likely happen. I got married, dropped out of college and it seems that my life has been nothing but constant acts of trying to make everyone else happy. That statement sounds selfish as I read it, but my day will come it will be my turn.
I use to be a frequent user of Yahoo 360 till the functions of that platform started to die. I had a small following there at one time but the main reason I blogged was self-therapy. I always enjoyed and appreciated the comments even if some of the readers really did not get what I was saying. I once had a gentleman tell me that I was trying to hard to find a man lol. Well to be honest I have never had any difficulty finding a man there was just an always issues with finding a decent one. Soooo a little bit of background on me and what has taken place in my life to find me here.
I am officially 40 something :) with three kids that I love with all my heart but in the same moment could throttle them. My blessing/tax right offs/burdens are a 20 year old male, 13 year old male and a 9 year old girl. Oh and I should add that the 13 and 9 year old are both going through puberty RIGHT NOW! My household has so many raging hormones that I am pretty sure I will not survive or if I do I will be sporting a lovely bald look. Between the kids, two mentally challenged cats and a dog that just loves to take a crap in my closet I would call us trailer trash living in a middle class townhouse community located in the south :).
I smoke, cuss and drink...some I do more than others...depends on the day. I am addicted to coffee and Oprah...I DVR her show every day and on Sunday it is an Oprah marathon lol. Now I just need to apply some of the wisdom that is shared on the show. I always have good intentions but the actual applying it to life seems to fly out the window.
I was married for 17 years, the marriage ended after 14 years but did not split up until 2004. I lost my best friend - my mother very suddenly in January of 2007. I lost my job of 11 years in May of 2008. So here you will find the rants, rambling, twisted humor of a 40 something drama magnet, issue laden, still trying to find myself, horrible speller, bill juggling, collection call advoider, hormone referee, sane unemployed middle aged women.
Life can become very overwhelming at times. With all the demands that we have placed on us be it family, work, friends etc…. I at times find myself in a situation where one or two items need to be reduced and this can be very difficult to do. It usually means that an individual is going to be disappointed in me. I struggle with saying no or enough. The pattern seems to be that I end up loosing sight of me and what is best for me and my family. I continue this pattern till I am at a breaking point and it never fails someone is hurt including myself. Selfishness is one thing I detest and try my best not to be; but there are times when as an individual we are entitled to it and need a small dose for mental health. But it never fails I will always have conflicting thoughts and emotions regarding choices I make that are solely for me. In retrospect it’s a journey I am on to find the correct balance…..
Alright, I am in the process of moving older blogs over (from one of those "other" sites). I am having to pick and choose which ones I think are worth saving. For some reason I have an unhealthy attachment to a few.
So I will sit here and review the random blogs I have written...hope everyone is having an enjoyable day.
I am in Middle Life now with three children, three cats and one dog. A house that is to small for all of us and a life that seems to keep throwing curve balls our way. Yet we are learning how to hit them out of the park :) ~ Intelligent, witty or sarcastic comments are always welcome ~
